will surely return with songs of joy, carrying his sheaves.
It has been quite a ride so far, this Jewish year of 5774. For me personally, it has been a time of incredible challenges and also a time of deep, deep growth. The challenges are ongoing and I continue to feel intense spurts of emotion from time to time. The diffence between last fall and this spring is that now, when these deep moments of intensity arise, I am a little better equipped to deal with them and to understand where they come from.
It has not been easy. In fact, at times it has been lonely as hell. I can't tell you why, but I can tell you that I know now that it has had to be lonely, this time of digging deep and pulling stuff out and looking at it. There are times in our lives when growth demands that kind of personal work. It has been hard and scary and I have experienced some real pain. But out of that pain of discovery is coming, a little bit at a time, some real healing, and growth. Tonight, home after a day of teaching and wrapping up raucous Purim celebrations, I am listening to the rain and feeling the purr of a cat on my lap, and I know I have grown, and am growing. I feel quiet, and calm and grateful for everything I have learned during this year of growth and radical change. The most radical change has been in me. It's not yet clear where I am headed in all of this, and I certainly don't feel like the work will ever be really finished; but tonight I feel the least afraid and the most hopeful I have felt in months. And that feels like a harvest to be grateful for.
Some days you just have to hang out in the gratitude, to feel it and let it infuse you. Tonight that's where I choose to be.